A year ago, these words graced a year-end post I made:
“I thought this year would be different, but it wasn’t. Because there I was again, reduced to a total mess of tears.”
My thoughts, typed in the early morning hours of December 25, were steeped with a sadness and sewn with a frustration I didn’t think should exist two Christmases into my new life.
For as much as I wanted to move forward, it seemed like I wasn’t getting anywhere. I was stuck in a cycle of ups and downs, of wanting and wishing for something more—a cycle that just seemed to keep getting the best of me.
I typed them as I sat on my couch, alone and lonely, silently begging for time to speed up. Waiting for Zoey to come home so her Christmas excitement would erase my tears and fill my heart back up with joy. Of course, her arrival did just that, and of course, later, when I had a little bit more perspective, I was able to laugh at my short sightedness.
Yet still, despite everything, I knew some things needed to change. I needed to not be so closed off from everything. I needed to stop telling myself that this was just how the rest of my life was going to be. I needed to start believing again. And, so, when the new year rolled around, I opened my heart to the possibility of more, and the most amazing thing happened:
My view today is so different than the one I had a year ago. There are tears again, but they aren’t because I’m sad.
No, my tears now are laced with such sweetness. With such gratitude. With such a crystal clear picture of what my amazing future holds. And they are filled with the realization my seemingly out-of-reach desires will always be that way unless I do something to make them real.
So for anyone who may be struggling—for anyone who may be searching for a light to brighten a darkness—remember right now is a time for believing:
There is hope to be found, there is joy to be discovered, and, oh my goodness, there is so much love just waiting to be revealed. Open your heart. It’s so worth it.